File 029

I'm counting raisins for the lil fairies I met today.

They are poor and looking for work and have no grand fairy hall to live in.

Unlike the books REAL fae have to find a job and their fortunes in the world just like humans....and well i guess sasquatches as well.

these fae have taken a job with a garden gnome who is partial to exactly 32 raisins three times a day

as its his job to stand guard and just...be there..he cannot get them himself

he's a grumpy bastard though and if they don't have JUST 32 he won't pay them

anal bastard

the fae are still cheery though which surprises me

they sing me old songs that the humans have forgotten and they make me smile

fae are not used to beng appriciated anymore

there was a time when all were revered...but that is past and they are a shade of their former shining selves

when i thanked them the grew as bright and shining as i remember them when i was a cub

the youngest kissed my cheek and then set off with her bundle of raisins for the garden gnome

the world is cold and cruel and harsh

kindness

makes the hurt ....sting a lil less

Squatch

File 028

ON THE RUN FROM THE F.B.I!!!

Apparently the sasquatch secret society has given up on me as I'm not the blatherbutt they thought I was.

Which basically means they got tired and went home so now its just the feds after me.

Joy.

I bought a case of Snickers Bars because well....they REALLY DO SATISFY!!

I bet you're wondering how Bigfoots get money.....its easy...we're rich.

Sherman....set the Way-Back machine to 1305 Europa....

doodle-loodle-loodle doodle-loodle-loddle doodle-loodle-loodle


Wenceslas is King...William Wallace is captured and killed.....nasty time

The Sasquatch Migrate from Siberia....

Oo look there!! A big furry monster RUN AWAY RUN AWAY!!!

yeah....we were popular even then.

Needless to say people drop a lot of things when they run...

Sasquatch have good eyes, big hands, and strong backs......we collected stuff and found sympathetic folk to sell it for us....they got their cut we got ours....

We're good with natural healing too and so our wise women tended lots of folks...that ' crazy witch ' that lived outside of town was most likely a sasquatch and neither crazy nor in league with the devil....

Sasquatch HATE betrayal!! Thus the devil is the biggest baddest betrayer of them all so to be in league with him would be ludicris!!

( and technically I am not a betrayer of sasquatch...I'm just a wanderer.....a rogue yes...but I have not sold them out etc etc etc... its a long story but I just want you in the right frame of mind )

So there you have it...hard work amidst adversity...wise investing and a ' give back to the community ' attitude....

oh...and we have stock in IBM, McDonalds, and Kodak....

we'd have stock in Microsoft.....but like I said ....THAT WOULD BE LUDICRIS!!!

File 027

WTF!!!!

so I bought a nice lil TV for the Hummer so I could enjoy some of the programs they show...like CSI...

Its Valentine's Day soon and the previews showed a new " LADY HEATHER " episode!

Obviously ' love ' in a murder mystery show is not approved of but LOSING YOUR DAUGHTER TO A NEO-NAZI THEN HAVING SEX WITH HIM FOR DNA AND THEN BULL WHIPPING HIM NEARLY TO DEATH UNTIL THE ONE PERSON WHO WOULD REALLY BE GOOD FOR YOU HAS TO USE A NICE BIT OF YOUR PSYCHE TO MAKE YOU STOP.. qualifies as a love-story nowadays.

I have no closure.

I'm bitter because poor old Grissom is never gonna get laid....

Prolly not even by a ' yiffing-furry. '

Captain Kirk made it with every freakin chica they came in ' first contact ' with...in fact my idea for the next series is called " STAR TREK ~ Kirk's Kids " whereby we travel the galaxy in sci-fi/erotic vignettes seeing what has become of all the lil captain's that ole Jimmy begatted in all his many travels...maybe even one for Chekov or Spock....I mean for Criminy's sake Sulu is a gay man and they managed to work in a daughter in generations!! " its not the enterprise without a Sulu at the helm " yeah that explains why they killed Data( loud raucus cheer )and Wesley left TNG.

BUT I DIGRESS!!!

CSI brought in this Erotic Match for Grissom...then denies him and the audiance a lil ' makin bacon ' time.....ITS FRIGGIN VEGAS FOR SPOCK'S SAKE!!!! MOST PEOPLE GO THERE TO GET LAID AND THESE PEOPLE LIVE THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I mean HOW CHASTE CAN YOU BE???? CHASTITY BELT'S GET MORE ACTION THAN MY FAVORITE BUG COLLECTOR!!!!!


That's why I'm starting the LGGGL Society " LET GIL GRISSOM GET LAID! "

make donations at your local laundromat....

Squatch!

File 026

Gen. G. S. Patton ( the guy that stands in front of the American flag in the movies for those of you who only know history from the same ) said " Untutored courage is useless in the face of educated bullets."

Keep this in mind as I relate the following.....

So I'm at a restaurant...eating some dinner....there's a father an son sitting in a booth behind me and because I can hear as well as most dogs I cannot help but take in this exchange....


DAD : " You know what i'm gonna get a bike instead of going to the stupid club...I'd rather exercise in the fresh air anyway...even though its been awhile. "

SON : " Yeah..great idea Dad. You'll want to take it slow though...you know...just ride around the house at first."

I laughed to myself, and munched down some french fries.

There was a pause in the conversation...then...

DAD: " So you'll get your driver's permit soon...."

SON : " Yeah in four years I cannot wait!"

DAD: " I can imagine you'll be eager to drive....but you'll want to start off slow and just drive around the house..."

SON" " Uh oh...."



Squatch

File 025

as I drove along the radio played....and I cried...because its true..



She's got a way about her
I don't know what it is
But I know that I can't live without her

She's got a way of pleasin
'I don't know what it is
But there doesn't have to be a reason
Anyway

She's got a smile that heals me
I don't know why it is
But I have to laugh when she reveals me

She's got a way of talkin'
I don't know what it is
But it lifts me up when we are walkin'
Anywhere

She comes to me when I'm feelin' down
Inspires me without a sound
She touches me
and I get turned around

She's got a way of showin'
How I make her feel
And I find the strength to keep on goin'

She's got a light around her
And everywhere she goes
A million dreams of love surround her
Everywhere

She comes to me when I'm feelin' down
Inspires me without a sound
She touches me
and I get turned around

She's got a smile that heals me
I don't know why it is
But I have to laugh when she reveals me

She's got a way about her
I don't know what it is
But I know that I can't live without her
Anyway
~ B.Joel

File 024

" STOP! " Lady hollared and with practiced ease I brought the behemoth of a vehicle to a hault.

" What's wrong? " I asked as she hurriedly gathered her things and opened the door.

" There's a a little house back there...and one for sale beside it.....there's a little family in one house and they need my help. I'm going to buy the smaller one and help them. they might not make it otherwise. I'm sorry Squatch...I know you have to keep on the run.....but they need more help than you....they just won't make it and I cannot watch that happen again..not when I can help. The F.B.I. is down the street...turn right not left and you'll be ok....I'll only be here a few months..that's all they need...but I have to be here now or they'll lose everything. I love you! "

and she was gone...

The realtor for the house for sale pulled up and of course just as Lady stepped upon the sidewalk to the front door. I could see the happy shock of the realtor when Lady said " No no no......CASH!" Lady's new neighbor's came out the front door and hopped into their lil car...as they were backing out of the driveway..a logging semi was barrelling down the road....Lady waved to the family in greeting and they stopped....just as the semi went screaming by...

I heard the young wife... " Oh my! We're either blessed or lucky! "

I smiled softly...wiped my eyes and turned right....


" Both. " I said...." More than you can possibly know."

File 023

Lady turned the page and read summore....this time she started laughing and kicking her feet against the dashboard.


'HEY SOL! wake up!' yelled Sasquatch.
I'd been dozing on the couch
work and life had left me beat
and still in work clothes I'd slouched

"What is it Squatch?" I mumbled
and I rubbed my weary eyes
'I've got something to show you!'
'You're gonna be surprised!'

I closed my eyes again my friends
and waiting for then to see
what strange exotic odd ball thing
ole Squatch would show to me

'TADAH! ISN'T SHE A BEAUTY!'
Squatch said with Bigfoot glee
and there before my bleary eyes
a tiny goldfish I did see

'I named her Lil Miss Moby!'
Squatch handed me the bowl
I smiled through glass at the little fish
with scales pale and gold.

'She's a MAGIC FISH,SOL!'
'I bought her from a fae!'
'She knows all about the stars and planets!
'Gifted in astrology!'

"You mean she can tell the future?"
'No it does work like that'
The fish was talking too me now'
I just confirm the facts'

"So no gifts of prophecy?"
"Just reassuring events that be?"
"Well considering all the oddness around"
"That'll be handy then for me"

'Please don't call me Moby though'
Was the goldfish's earnest plea
'My real name is Alice Rubiette'
and she smooched her lips at me.

"So what can you tell me today new friend?"
I asked her happily.
'You'll meet a goldfish say the stars!'
"Oh great...cosmic irony."